After battling the January blues, all hail the Valentine’s Day celebrations!
Yes, being single around this time can really get you down. The barman bringing a romantic candle to your table certainly doesn’t help. Which is why it’s important to put a plan of action in place to combat the frustration and anxiety. You can and will enjoy this day, with a little effort.
Concentrate on yourself first
If you are single remember that self-love is of paramount importance. Make a plan for the day, go on a date with yourself, bring along friends, do something you’ve always wanted to, go sky diving, celebrate the longest relationship you have in your life – the relationship with yourself. Remind yourself that being single means you are primed to create the relationship you’ve always wanted. Inform others on how to treat you by treating yourself the same way.
What do you love?
Instead of dwelling on feelings and emotions that can only increase anxiety, ask yourself the following questions:
- What specifically is causing you to worry about this day?
- Would you feel as upset about this day were it not for the societal norms surrounding it?
- How would you like your future relationship to be?
- How would you like to feel? What experiences would you like to have?
- What is the best way to meet that special someone?
Clarity on your ideal relationship will make it easier to know when you have found it. If dating sites are not your preferred medium to socialise, think about joining a club where you can express your hobbies. Common interests are the easiest way to build a lasting connection.
Healing can take time. And while there are steps you need to go through to get over it, Valentine’s Day is not the day to be working on it. If you are depressed give yourself permission to feel that way. You are only human after all. Avoid gazing wistfully at social media, comparing yourself with others or doing anything that will encourage you to reminisce on your past relationship. Pick a movie, song or activity that uplifts you. Again, make a plan! Change your location, see a friend you haven’t seen in a while. Action will change the way you feel, sitting there and focusing on the loss won’t!
Dealing with bereavement
It is never easy, nor can we ever be prepared to deal with the passing of a loved one. Reaching out to groups of people that have relevant experience through the same trials can make you feel less lonely and will put your life into perspective. Remember the good times and without fighting your feelings, let them slowly guide you to a place where you can make peace with the past and create space for the future. Those who’ve passed would always want us to be happy.
Mending your broken heart
If your heart still aches and the loneliness is still clouding every thought, I suggest focusing on heart focused breathing. This technique comes from the HeartMath Institute. Place your hand on your heart and imagine that you are breathing into your heart. Inhale slowly and evenly for five seconds, hold and exhale for five seconds. As you do this start to focus on three things that you are grateful for. Doing this for a few minutes can bring about a blissful state of wellbeing.
Last but not least, remember that it is just the same 24 hours as any other day. Ignore the meaning others attach to it and have a great time regardless.
Christopher Paul Jones,
Anxiety and Phobia Expert,